Divinity 101 with Professor Hadrian

Hadrian walks into the classroom, a short, balding man following him.

“Good morning class, My name is Hadrian, and I’m the high priest to Susan, Goddess of Fate and her husband and brother Paul, God of Justice. Joining me as a guest this lecture is Samaelin Akkut’ra, God of Powerpoint Presentations and Exposition. He’s really only here in a desperate bid for relevance.”

Samaelin nods at this.

“Now, for whatever reason, you’re here because you want to learn about how gods work.”

He grabs a piece of chalk, and scrawls three large, nested circles on the chalk board.

“Whether you believe in them or not, gods are out there, making stuff work. Most of them like to be noticed. It’s a nice ego boost if you’re the minor god of elephant poop. There are actually something like three to four gods for every human on earth. Getting somebody to worship you is hard. In order to gain notoriety, most gods attempt to join one or more pantheons. The particular pantheon I serve likes to think it’s cool and original, and so it call itself ‘The Pantheon’.”

He raps the board in the center of the innermost circle.

“Gods are a lot like cats, in that herding them is really dang hard, but they can be categorized, to some extent. Most pantheons are built around a couple of so called ‘timeless’ gods. They embody concepts that are fundamental, and will have relevance regardless of anything you can or will do. Susan is an excellent example of this, as she is Fate. It’s simply not possible to get out from under her thumb. I should know, I’ve tried.”

He bangs the board on the middle circle.

“The second category are gods who are currently relevant, but might not remain so. A good example is the god of Bronze. Back in his glory days, he was the master of industry and war the world over. Now Bronze is used for some minor decoration. Nobody wants to worship the god of minor decoration. I know I don’t! Gods in this category are usually fairly important, sometimes even more important than a Timeless, but that power and notoriety fades with time.”

Rapping the final circle, he continues,

“The last category are the irrelevant gods. Sometimes they get invited to parties, because even gods have social niceties. Most of these gods either embody some concept that is no longer relevant, or has not yet become so. Some, like the God of Little Biscuits and Tea, are never going to be relevant.”

Looking out at the classroom, he asks.

“All this clear? Any questions?”